We are going to pick back up on my Wellness Month discussion. In my last post we talked about routines, after my last therapy session I asked my amazing therapist what would be a good next topic and since I deal with setting and keeping boundaries it felt like the right move.
So as we dive in, I believe speaking from my own personal experience is the best way to go about this.
First off, what are healthy boundaries? According to the website scienceofpeople.com “Healthy boundaries are the limits you place around your time, emotions, body, and mental health to stay resilient, solid, and content with who you are. These empowering borders protect you from being used, drained, or manipulated by others.”
When I think of setting boundaries, I think of my time. That’s been a HUGE issue for me. So many of us suffer from “people pleaser disease” and that makes keeping boundaries very hard and leads us to burnout, resentment and simply feeling used. When in fact… we are allowing this to happen. Not just for others, we have to set that for OURSELVES.
Example: I have a hard time getting myself to bed at a decent hour. So when I tell myself, “tonight I am going to be in bed, reading by 12am” but I get sucked into the mindless world of tiktok, I see it’s 2am or even later. I just crossed my own boundary. How rude of me to disrespect myself like that! That leads to me crossing more of my boundaries, because I was up late, now I most likely won’t get my workout in. Just like that, now I have disrespected myself TWICE! Double rude.
Now how about time with others? So we start with “I want to be in bed reading by 12am” but around 11p I get on the phone and I don’t say at 11:30p “Okay, I’m going to go get ready for bed” or how about this doozy… if I do say that and they say “no just a little longer” and I just allow that… BOOM 2am and here we are again, back at square one. Not only have I broken my own boundary, I just let someone else cross it.
This is just one example, there are a ton of different ways to set and keep your boundaries both personally and socially. I checked out the Mental Heatlh Association of Delaware website and they list a ton of other examples that can be eye opening that maybe you hadn’t thought about yet.
When I set and keep my boundaries I am more likely to have peace of mind, actually complete my goals and honestly enjoy my life so much more. It can be really hard to put your foot down in a polite way but let’s be real… sometimes people will push you and you have to get tough, not mean. If someone in your life doesn’t respect that, it might be time to take a step away and reevaluate the relationship that’s been created between you.
Look, I’m not saying you should drop your friends/family but I have met a lot of people, my mom would call them energy/oxygen thieves, that I have had to cut out to keep my peace. It hurts but it’s always for the best.
Alright, I could go on and on but I’ll give it a rest now. If you have any questions please look into it and try, start small! Even something like “I don’t want that extra scoop of ice cream tonight, I’ll just have 2.” Then do it and keep doing it.
You’re worth it and I hope you know it!
Take care of yourself.
Love, Carrie Danger